This movie is definitely not on Empire’s Top 500 or anyone’s Top 500 but I saw the trailer about a year ago and really wanted to see it because of the super-awesome-mega cast. I didn’t see it at the cinema because I’m not THAT much of a loser that I’ll see a film called ‘Valentine’s Day’ on my own.
Anyways, it’s a bit long for a romantic comedy but it kind of needs to be because of all the storylines. I’m trying to think of a storyline that they could of cut out but I can see the need for all of them. Yes, its one of those ‘millions of storylines but they all link somehow’ movie. There are a lot of storylines but they all show different aspects of love and relationships which is very challenging to do in a movie but they managed to just about make it work.
Like I mentioned before, the cast list was one of the main reasons I wanted to watch this movie. Julia Roberts, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher [did you know he has a twin brother! Sorry, random fact], Jessica Alba, Patrick Dempsey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, George Lopez, Hector Elizondo… *takes deep breath*… Kathy Bates, Emma Roberts, Cater Jenkins, Bryce Robinson, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Eric Dane, Queen Latifar… *almost done*, Shirley MacLaine and Topher Grace [bad photography guy in Spider Man 3]. Yeah.
Oooo its so hard to review this without giving stuff away because I think the reason I loved this movie so much is because of the shock value and me pointing and screaming at the TV going “OMG NO WAY!” Erm… Ok, I’m gonna struggle writing a good review without giving stuff away so… erm… lets give it a go.
Ok, we have loads of storylines because this film really wants to show all the different aspects of relationship and love. We have the married guy with his non-wife, the ‘perfect’ couple, the sour guy, the sour girl, the old couple, the ‘maybe’ couple, the new couple but one of them has a little secret and the cutest little boy ever with a cutest ever crush! Oh and then there’s the teenage love and you have the one teenage couple who are all over each other but are, in fact, waiting for ‘the right time’ and then you have the other teenage couple who aren’t all over each other but think they’re ready to do the deed [almost wrote dead then, ha!].
The old couple are my favourite because they’ve been together for 51 years and are still so madly in love with one another. “The pretty girl was grandma, right?” “The pretty girl IS grandma.” AWWWWWWW!
And yes, I found myself going “AWWWWWWW” more than 10 times.
Taylor Swift is funny, y’all! Taylor Lautner is… alright… “I don’t like taking my shirt off”, at least he has a sense of humor… I guess…
OMG Ashton Kutcher plays the sweetest guy ever, he’s so happy and in love and his view on love and omg he’s so sweet! I just wanted to hug him and pinch his cheeks!
AWWWW moment #28 the little kid orders flowers for his crush!!! Most adorable thing ever!
“Are you on Facebook?” LMAO! Loves it. I do love Bradley Cooper.
Sorry, the rest of my notes are total spoilers. Anyways, last note will be that the ending will make you cry. You wouldn’t think it and I was so shocked but my God, it will make you cry for 40 minutes. You have been warned.
SPOILER! DO NOT CONTINUE READING UNLESS YOU HAVE WATCHED THE MOVIE!!!!!!
OK, from this point on, you will only understand my ’squee/OMG’ notes if you’ve seen the movie and if you haven’t seen the movie then don’t continue reading, you’ll regret it, believe me.
OMG he’s married?!?!? HE’S CHEATING!!!
The perfect couple isn’t so perfect after all. Poor Ashton Kutcher! Jessica Alba is like “I wanna focus on me” but Ashton Kutcher is like “I wanna move forward and have kids and two dogs and maybe some chickens…” There are so many girls who would kill for a man like that! Selfish cow. First time I’ve hated one of Alba’s characters. Only actually seen her in 2 films and they were both Fantastic Four but whatever…
I truly felt Jessica Biel’s pain. Not only did she get no Valentine’s but she also has no guests going to her party. Look at Biel and her no pals. Shame.
OMG! KUTCHER NOW KNOWS HE’S CHEATING!! What will he do?!
NOOOO!! Grandma can’t of cheated! NOOOO! Oh, there’s no hope for any of us now!!
OMG! OMG! I KNOW THOSE LEGS! I KNOW THAT WALK! OMG! THE HANDS! OMG NO WAY! ITS HIM! ITS BRADLEY COOPER! HE’S GAY! YAY! OMG so adorable and- wait what?! No kiss?!?!? Fuck you, Hollywood. Fuck you. However, from the few gay seconds we got, we actually got a whole storyline out of it. It looks like the footballer wasn’t ready to come out so Bradley Cooper left him because he’s openly gay but then he saw the footballer’s press conference where he confessed and went back to him! YAY! But fuck you Hollywood for now giving us a kiss.
Even though the BFF-turns-to-romance thing is totally clichéd, I still found myself cheering when Aston Kutcher and Jennifer Garner kissed! YAY!
Ok. Then this happened and it took me 40minutes to stop crying. We’re all lead to believe that Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts are gonna get together. She’s a soldier who’s coming home for the day from Iraq/Afghanistan [I can’t remember which]. She hasn’t been home for 11 months and she only gets to stay the day. Cooper is constantly telling Roberts that she’s incredibly lucky to have such a loving man waiting for her at home. Turns out… that loving man… it her son, the little boy who has been trying to get roses to his crush whilst looking sadly at mums and their sons. it’s the most beautiful, heartbreaking scene ever and I cried and cried and cried because this is true. This is actually happening. We forget that there are mum’s out there fighting this war.
I would like to dedicate this review to all the mums of war and their beloved children. They will be home soon.
Oh, there I go again, here come the water works… where’s my box of tissues…