I have never seen this film the whole way through, shocking I know. Suppose it’s a good thing if I watch and review films I’ve never seen before.
With this film, I found myself thinking four things; “What the hell?!”, “SHUT THE HELL UP!”, that scenes were made specifically for a reason that had nothing to do with the storyline and “SHUT THE HELL UP!”. If you are to watch this, be prepared to think these thoughts too.
It’s a great film, classic Indiana Jones and example of the adventure genre but I found myself poking fun at it and pointing out the bad parts more than actually enjoying it. Don’t get me wrong, I can see why its in Empire’s top 500 films of all time but how it got so high I don’t know. My guess [and opinion] is that it was due to the fantastic sets and scenery and the gorgeous costumes. And Harrison Ford. Shirtless. Sorry, I promise that’s the only time I’ll mention him. Shirtless.
Anyways, the opening gave me the need to double check the DVD as I found myself wondering whether Netflix had sent me The Producers instead of Temple of Doom. Then you see the sleeve of a white jacket and think “James Bond in The Producers?!”. But no, its Indiana Jones and he’s exchanging artifacts and it slowly starts to feel like an adventure film again. Indiana gets poisoned, there’s a big fight with pink balloons and diamonds. It was such a pretty fight.
Then stuff happens and we are introduced to the world’s most annoying child ever! If you loved Short Round, fair enough, I can see why. But me, on the other hand, hoped the kid would be hurt in some way. You’ve got to understand that I love kids, I really do, I think they can be great in movies but they buggered this one up! He’s supposed to be cute but I wanted to throw something hard at him.
However, the Most Annoying Person In This Film award doesn’t go to the kid. It goes to Lady Scream-a-Lot; Willie. Bloody hell. I’ve never heard more screaming in my entire life. Us girls don’t scream at everything! Not even the Disney Princesses scream that much and they’re the weakest of them all! I felt her constant screaming was unnecessary and brought the film down slightly.
Moving on… the palace set was beautiful, as where all the Indian costumes and accessories, especially on Willie [the only thing she was good for]. The food was awesomely gross, especially the baby snakes and the monkey brains. Sorry, FROZEN monkey brains. Apparently if you freeze them, that makes it a desert. Yum. Then came the BST; Bipolar Sexual Tension. They hate each other one moment, then love each other the next. Even Sandra Bullock films do sexual tension better than these guys did! It was unbelievable which made me roll my eyes and mutter “just get on with it”.
We have the classic scenes of spikes in the floor and ceiling which seemed to of stopped at some point as by the time Willie had pressed the release button, the spikes would have been through Indiana and Short hours ago. Then there were the bugs which could have been creepier but I loved that there were no spiders. Thank you! Hate spiders. Ergh.
Then there was the horrible child slavery! Very well shot as I could feel the heat from here and I wanted to run through the screen and help the poor children! Like I said before, I love children so I found it hard to watch but in a good way, if that makes sense. And when they were finally set free and ran to their families, I was almost crying! The way the parents ran towards their children, crying our their names, it was so touching. One thing that made me laugh though was the name of the badguys that held the children captive; Thuggee. I don’t know whether its their accents or what but it sounded to me like “Tuggies” which just sounds adorable.
I loved the set of the sacrifice scenes. Though there was one problem with the last sacrifice scene. When Willie was about to go into the lava or whatever it was, I found myself going “NOO! She can’t die! I know she’s annoying but don’t kill her!” But then she screamed. “Oh, yeah, now I remember why I hated her. Go ahead. Please. End my ear’s pain.” There was something else about that scene but I won’t mention it. Because if I did, it would be just plain girly of me. And not professional. And I’ve already mentioned it. Shirtless.
However, there was one thing that I really liked. When Indiana is in that trance/spell thing after he drank the blood, we all assume that Willie, the love interest, will get him out of the trance. I love the fact that was friendship that brought him back, not love. Must have been a kick in the balls for Willie which makes me happy.
I feel that the [now famous] mine cart chase was put into the film just so it could be turned into a theme park ride. It looked like loads of fun and I felt myself leaning left and right slightly as I watched the cart turn around fast corners. Oh well, it worked anyways! could have been shorter as I think that in real life they’d of ended up in Russia.
In conclusion, it’s a good, classic adventure film but you will find yourself picking at it. Oh, and Willie has bipolar.